I begin to blog again, about my sorrow and my effort to deal with it.
My daughter died a year and a half ago. She was a beautiful, intelligent, independent, loving daughter but there was so much that I did not know. I did not know how depressed she was. I did not know how long she had suffered with her demons and I did not know she would decide to take her life by suicide.
Why I did not know these things is an ever ringing question in my head. I know that part of it is that she tried very hard to hide it from me until the very end. Part of it was that I had lived in a state of "survival mode" for so long.. I wanted to believe that she was ok. And now I just wish I had the chance back to take care of her.
To quit living in fear as I have my whole life and just take care of my daughter better.
I wish I knew how to move forward... although I have done stuff... I do not know if I am moving forward in dealing with my grief and my sorrow. I have retired, I have moved, I have sent my son to rehab, so he could get to a better place, and now me. What do I do about me?
